Indecisions and Revisions

     I see my future unfolding in two ways: being a writer or photographer. Both are artistic expression. Both I love equally. I feel torn when I dwell on either vocation. Even though I don't have to choose what I study in college or pursue as a career quite yet, I cannot help but think about both options. 
     If I were a writer (freelance, ideally), I'd spend most of my time in solitude; brainstorming, formulating ideas, trying to manifest what I have in my head onto paper. I imagine myself sitting on benches in parks with trees laden with fall, my notebook on my lap, my pen furiously scribbling, trying to ground thoughts fleeting as the dawn. I predict many hopeless nights spent under the harsh light of a desk lamp, plagued with writers block. I would doubt my credibility and talent and want to give up; there will always be someone who is a better writer than I. Why should I bother? And I envision entire days spent alone, wandering an unfamiliar yet inspiring place, trying to articulate my feelings into words. I'd be so lonely; but I would have my fabricated characters and stories to keep me company. I would discover fulfillment if I pursued this path. When I think of myself traveling the world, documenting my experiences with beautiful, wonderful words and publishing my work (and being successful!), I become so enamored with it. But then I think of photography, and how fantastic it would be to focus on that.
     I have attempted drawing and failed miserably at painting. Once I discovered my affinity for taking pictures, I knew I had found my medium. I excelled in it and discovered it was something I was passionate about. Now, I have evolved enough in my art for me to seriously consider it as a career. I imagine myself being hired by magazines and fashion companies to shoot their editorials and look books. I could take pictures for book covers, advertisements, newspapers. I could be hired to capture the excitement of weddings or commissioned to take portraits. I could do so much, and enjoy every second of it. 
     It seems impossible to choose. But then I realize that I don't need to go to school for either one; I can be a successful photographer while I write volumes of poetry and I can also publish books while attending art school. I shouldn't limit myself to just one medium. I just need to choose the one that I need the most guidance with. I still haven't made that decision and won't for a long time; but it's something I can't stop dwelling on.

Photos not by me. Click on them to be linked back to the original source.