Immediately when I got back from Idaho, I was re-immersed into the chaos of my life. I've been plagued with so much doubt lately; I'm becoming a different person. This has obviously happened before but never before has it occurred so rapidly. Nothing really significant has happened in my life. Well, things have been changing for the better but I'm still surprised. School has become almost secondary to my social life. I've been hanging out with friends too much and going on lovely adventures with them instead of staying home and slaving over homework. While this has made me a happier person, I feel so hopeless and inept. I feel like I'm incapable of working hard because I'm always so distracted and dreamy whenever I try to be responsible. Last year, my life revolved around school and now it's the opposite.
I'll lie in bed and become so anxious that I have to stay home the next day so I can catch up on homework. Every time I tell myself I'm going to start trying hard, I'm seduced by the idea of socializing. I feel weak, pathetic, and like I have no control over my life. Yet at the same time, creativity is spewing effusively from my mind and manifesting itself in my art. I am always smiling and laughing. I'll stay up to midnight doing my homework after spending the entire day in Long Beach amongst the ones I adore the most. I'll spend every night at the lovely local coffee shop and smoke a copious amount of cigarettes. I've been taking so many pictures, writing poetry, and noticing the littlest details about my surroundings. Everything is lovely. Lovely, lovely, lovely.
(These are the photographs I took in Idaho. They don't even do the immense beauty that was there justice)