Light of my Life

          Will my obsession with Lolita ever disintegrate? Years may pass and I may become preoccupied with other things but I don't think I'll ever stop loving that book or movie. I've analyzed the nature of Humbert and Lolita's relationship many times. I've written an article about it for Femme. I've argued and conversed with countless people about how the controversy of the plot line shouldn't eclipse the beauty of their affection or the literary merit of the work. It's hard for people to accept it, and understandably so. Oh, but I swear that my great adoration will never fade for as long as I live. I could read the book a thousand times and watch the movie (the 1997 version) even more and never tire from reading about Humbert's struggle to cope with his affectionate feelings and lewd desires or from watching Jeremy Iron's look of complete helplessness as he realizes he is a slave to his love. 

          Their entire situation makes my heart ache; the deceit, the controversy of it all, the manipulation, the onset of sexual maturity, the hopelessness, the paranoia, their strange circumstances, the infatuation, the obsession, and their intimacy. Their age difference shouldn't define their relationship but it does just because they're both in completely different stages of their lives. When Humbert first meets Lolita, she is a mischievous and defiant 12-year-old girl who is oblivious to reality. She possesses an uncanny sexual nature that she is completely unaware of; however, Humbert notices it and dubs her as a "nymphet". There is something so beautiful about her unintentional sexuality. It's perfectly embodied by how she wears lipstick and provocative outfits (the movie obviously shows this more), how she initially initiates their romantic relationship, and her lack of shame when it came to her body. For me, that strange contradiction is so perfect that it's hard for me to explain how much I love it. It's hard to explain in words my feelings for Lolita. There has been many times that I will burst into tears after merely thinking about it. 

          Lolita has changed my life, as cliche as that sounds. It's hard to articulate how but it's allowed me to see a lot of things differently, especially love and the controversy around age. I don't feel love should be defined by people's age but I also realize how it can be inappropriate for an older man to have an emotional and physical relationship with a child who isn't ready for either of those. I understand that applies to Lolita and Humbert but Humbert's love is so genuine that it breaks my heart that they had to end tragically. "It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight." Oh, Lolita!